Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was
losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out
the animal in me."...



"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?
**********************************************************************The girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible
for her college class and the instructions were that it had to discuss Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.

She was the only one who received
an A+ and this is what she wrote:


Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?
************************************************************************Bihar Bihar Istate Gorment
Driving License Sekson
Traaphic Dipartment

DRIVING LICEN APPLIKASON PHAAROM
-----------------------------------------------------------------
NOTE: Pleej do not shoot the person at the applikason kounter. He will give you the licen.

For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.

1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dont no (Check karet box)

2. First name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dont no (Check karet box)

3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dont no (Check karet box)

4. Sex:
____ Male _____ Phimale_____ not sure _____not applicable

5. Chappal Size:
____ Lepht ____ Right

6.Occupason:
(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_)Un-employed (Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

8. Number of children that are yours: ___

9. Mather name: _______________________

10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not noun,leave blank)

11. Ejjucason: Class- 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

12. Dental rekard/color: (_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other color _______ pleej Give egjhakt color(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________________________

IMPORTANT INSTRUCTIONS:

1. If you are copying from another applikason pharom, pleej do not copy thumb impression also. Pleej provide your own thumb imparesson.

2. PLEEJ DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

3. Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have lepht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

4. IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE. WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS.

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."


Customer: " OK."


Tech Support: "Did you get a popup menu?"


Customer: "No."


Tech Support: "OK. Right click again. Do you see a popup menu?"


Customer: "No."


Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until

this point?"


Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."


--------------------------------------------------------------------


Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still

getting the same error message."


Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"


Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"


--------------------------------------------------------------------


Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."


Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."



Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."


Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."


Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."


Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."


Customer: "What?"



Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"



Customer: "No..."


--------------------------------------------------------------------


Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"


Tech Support: ?!%#$=20


--------------------------------------------------------------------


Tech Support: "OK, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you

see the 'OK' button displayed?"


Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


--------------------------------------------------------------------


Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"


Customer: "A white one."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."


Customer: "How do you spell that?"


--------------------------------------------------------------------


Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"


Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)


Tech Support: "Well then we can't-"


Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'."


Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now.

You need to-"


Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have

to try a few times, and it will let me through."


Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now

because you're on the phone with me."


Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."

----------------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery

store."

--------------------------------------------------------------------


Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?"


Customer:" Pentium."

--------------------------------------------------------------------


Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."

--------------------------------------------------------------------


Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."


--------------------------------------------------------------------


Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"


--------------------------------------------------------------------


Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."


Tech Support: "What does it say?"


Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."


Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"


Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."


---------------------------------------------------------------------



Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem.



We're open 24 hours."



Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"



-----------------------------------------------------------------------



Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?"



Customer: "It says, 'Hit 'ENTER' when ready'."



Tech Support: "Well?"



Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

WIFE vs HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to

concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked

sarcastically, ?Relatives of yours?? ?Yep,? the wife replied, ?in-laws.?

Man:Sardarji , where were you born?
Sardarji: Punjab
Man: Which part?
Sardarji: OYE! part part kya kar raha hai.Whole body born in Punjab!

thanks for the laughs, ruina.... {*J*}
Y

oops, the face didn't work out...hmmm, let me try again....

{*J*}
Y

la, bhayo aba, ma "give up" garchhu. sorry, here's a sideways face for you..... (;-D)

ruIna... you made my day.. :)

my pleasure:o)


Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied ; Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, and thought, and thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!;
***********************************************


Q: Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.

Q: Why do sardars have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: How can you tell when a sardar sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.

Q: Why can't sardars dial 911?
A: They can not find the eleven on the phone.

Q: How do you get a sardar on the roof?
A: Tell him the drinks are on the house.

Q: What do smart sardars and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but you never see them.

Q: Why does it take longer to build a sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

Q: How do you measure a surd's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear!

A nswering Machine!
A sardarji, having bought a new phone with the latest model of answering machine had to disconnect it the very next day.
He was very disturbed when he heard his friend say, "abey, phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hoon".

Employment!
A desi was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column Salary Expected. He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote : Yes

Heights Of Revenge...!!!!
Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. A desi was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent.
Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja".
After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

Mallu Interview
A "Mallu" female (from the heart of Kerala) went for a job interview for the post of a SECRETARY. When the manager saw the Mallu's colorful attire and gold and well oiled uncombed jet black hair, his mind was screaming "Not This Woman." Nevertheless, he still had to entertain the Mallu.
So he told her, "If You could form a sentence using the words that I give you, then may be I will give you a chance! The words are GREEN, PINK, YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK."
The enthusiastic Mallu lady thought for a while and said:
"I hear the phone GREEN GREEN GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone,I say YELLOW..... BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiye, Wrong number.. ... Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, yokeeyy? Thank you."
The Manager fainted.....

QUESTION: How many feet do mice have?
Original reply: Mice have four feet.
Management comment: Elaborate!
Revision 1: Mice have five appendages, and four of them are feet.
Comment: No discussion of fifth appendage!
Revision 2: Mice have five appendages; four of them are feet and one is a tail.
Comment: What? Feet with no legs?
Revision 3: Mice have four legs, four feet and one tail per unit-mouse.
Comment: Confusing -- is that a total of 9 appendages?
Revision 4: Mice have four leg-foot assemblies and one tail assembly per body.
Comment: Does not fully discuss the issue!
Revision 5: Each mouse comes equipped with four legs and a tail. Each leg is equipped with a foot at the end opposite the body; the tail is not equipped with a foot.
Comment: Descriptive? Yes. Forceful? NO! Revision 6: Allotment appendages for mice will be: Four leg-foot assemblies, one tail. Deviation from this policy is not permitted as it would constitute misapportionment of scarce appendage assets.
Comment: Too authoritative; stifles creativity! Revision 7: Mice have four feet; each foot is attached to a small leg joined integrally with the overall mouse structural sub-system. Also attached to the mouse sub-system is a thin tail, non-functional and ornamental in nature.
Comment: Too verbose/scientific. Answer the question!
FINAL REVISION APPROVED BY MANAGEMENT: Mice have four feet.

Nice one ruina jee. The tech support one was funny. lol

Haasda haasda jaatra, it looks like typical American Customers, no offence hai but they r like that kyat. OOOOOOOOOOOOOO man that was funny.

That driver liscence application faarom was toooooo good. I was thinking of laalo when reading that.
hehehehehehehehe.

Thanx for a good laugh.

hakey dai jee................>>ty
next one ;

sadar hospital dj.
Patient nurse li bolaudai: Sister Apple khanuhuncha???
nurse: ah ha khanna
Patient: maile khanu huncha ki hudaina po sodheko ta......

Four guys, from Harvard, Yale, MIT and SANTA SINGH from Punjab University were to be interview for prestigious job One common question was asked to all 4 of them
Interviewer : WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD ?
YALE guy : its light, Nothing can travel faster than light
Harvard Guy : its the Thought, bcos thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind
MIT guy : its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked
SANTA SINGH : Its Diarrhea
Interviewer : shocked to hear santa's reply, asked "WHY" ?
SANTA SINGH : last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!

Ruina jeeee, nice one. man that was funny. The fastest thing in the world is Diarrhea.

Ooooooooooops i think i gotta run, hope i can make it.


lol

One from me :
third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher's pet.

He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become amen, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room.

She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby if I can, and I think I can."

The next on the list was Little Johnny, sitting in the back of the room.

He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a damn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and I think I can!"


Source: Find urself

Some more:



young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop.

He finds one and then begs, "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight."

Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe.

After a while the cop turns to the kid and says, "Okay, which one's your father."

The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer, that's what they're fighting about."

*************************************************************

A nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue."

The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black."
A second little boy says, "Trees are definitely green."

"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!"

*****************************************************************
This one is more useful in real life:

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed.With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercing and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But it is not only that mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasies we may want. In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it. Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren.


Love
Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk drawer...I love you!

last one was sweet
:)
hmmm i'll try with my mom;)

Reading this topic reminded me of a commercial...i gladly open to see the kitkat but something else is here. hmmm. lol

Some more :

One day Gramma sent her grandson little Johnnie down to the water hole to get some water to cook dinner.
As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen.
"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" exclaimed Johnnie. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnnie. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Gramma," replied Johnnie, "if he's as scared as I am, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

******************************************************************

Johnnie wanted $100 to buy a remote control car, so he prayed like crazy for two weeks ... but nothing happened.
Johnnie decided to write God an urgent letter, requesting $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to God, USA, they forwarded the letter to the president.
The president was so amused by the letter that he told his secretary to send Johnnie a $5 bill, figuring this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
When Johnnie received the cash, he was so delighted that he wrote a thank you note which read:
Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through Washington, D.C. Next time, don`t do that because, as usual, those jerks took 95% tax.
Love,
Johnnie

***************************************************************