From: www.AyoGorkhali.com

June 12th, 2026
Incompetence, Fraud, and Pure Chaos

Good Morning, Nepal!

1. The Insurance "Heist"
The Insurance Authority has finally charged its former bosses, Madan Dahal and Sharad Ojha, proving that the foxes were indeed guarding the henhouse. A total of 43 people were caught playing fast and loose with regulatory power to line their own pockets. Dahal is currently playing bureaucrat in Sudurpashchim, probably wondering if he can file an insurance claim for his own ruined reputation. It’s almost a masterpiece of incompetence, turning a safety agency into a crime syndicate while we all pay the premiums.

2. Visa Magic: Abracadabra, You’re a Student!
Valmiki Vidyapeeth was caught printing "student" visas for eight foreigners, because apparently, our immigration system has the integrity of a wet paper towel. The Ministry of Education blindly rubber-stamped these fraudulent papers, proving they don’t bother checking if the "students" actually exist. Now, six Chinese, one Korean, and one Russian citizen are roaming free thanks to forged letters that were probably drafted in a tea shop. It’s comforting to know our national borders are guarded by people who couldn't spot a forgery if it was signed in neon ink.

3. Sukumbasi Insurance: The Ultimate Band-Aid
The government has decided to offer insurance to the landless living in holding centers, as if a life insurance policy is a substitute for an actual home. It’s touching that the state is finally "caring" for the vulnerable by giving them papers they likely won't know how to use. This is a classic move: avoid solving the land crisis by creating a committee to draft a pamphlet. Maybe they’re hoping that if everyone is insured, no one will mind that they don't actually own the ground they’re standing on.

4. World Cup Viewing: Official Joy-Killing
The Kathmandu District Administration has decreed that showing the FIFA World Cup on a big screen now requires a government permit. Apparently, the sight of happy football fans is a major security threat that needs to be pre-approved by some official with a stamp. If you’re planning a public screening, be ready for a visit from authorities who have clearly decided that the only thing worse than a crowd is a crowd having fun without a license. It’s nice to know that even our entertainment is being micromanaged by the fun-police.

5. The Stock Market’s "Big 81" Club
A massive lawsuit has hit 81 individuals, including the elite of the Shankar Group and brokers like Deepak Bhatta, for allegedly rigging the stock market. It’s a who’s-who of business titans who clearly thought the NEPSE was their personal ATM for high-stakes gambling. The government is pretending to care about financial integrity, but we all know this will likely end in a quiet settlement behind closed doors. It’s the standard cycle: inflate, manipulate, get sued, and then disappear into the sunset with the remaining cash.

6. NEPSE’s Not-So-Grand Descent
The stock market shed 8 points yesterday, proving that investors are finally realizing their portfolios are as stable as a house of cards. With trading volume shrinking, it’s clear the "Big 81" scandal has spooked whatever confidence was left in the market. Most companies are in the red, leaving investors to wonder if they should have just put their money under a mattress. It’s a grim day for the bulls, and an even grimmer day for anyone who actually expected to make a profit.

7. Remittance: Our Dear, Dependent Addiction
Our economy is officially a giant, golden mountain of remittance, with income jumping 41 percent this year. We’ve outsourced our entire youth population to the Middle East, and we’re now living off the cash they send home to pay for our luxury habits. It’s a brilliant, if utterly unsustainable, strategy: send everyone away, wait for the money to arrive, and call it a "thriving economy." Who needs a functioning domestic factory when you can just export your entire workforce for spare change?

8. Border Diplomacy: Talking to the Wall
The Foreign Ministry is back to its favorite hobby: promising that border issues will be solved by "diplomatic dialogue." We’ve been having these same polite conversations for decades, and the border markers are still missing while the encroaching keeps going on. It’s a masterful performance of looking busy while accomplishing absolutely nothing of substance. If talking could move mountains, we’d have the most accurate map on earth, but instead, we just have a very long, very useless list of reports.

9. MP Ethics: Bouncers in the House
MP Sulabh Kharel had to remind his colleagues that the Parliament is not a neighborhood brawl where you need a marshal to keep the peace. It’s a tragic sign of the times when the Speaker has to call in security to prevent MPs from acting like toddlers throwing a tantrum. Kharel thinks it's a bad look, but at this point, the public expects our representatives to act with the maturity of a school yard fight. It’s a circus, and honestly, the only thing missing is the popcorn.
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Sita Rana
Chief Sunrise Satirist

Sita distills the daily chaos into nine bite-sized jokes so you can digest the news before your tea gets cold or the Kathmandu smog makes it impossible to see the paper.