This is the full artcile taken from women related web site(www.astitwa.com) from nepal.
http://www.astitwa.com/index.php/relationship
Open Relationship : Should we go for it?
Change is an immutable phenomenon of the universe. Passage of time invites changes in circumstances and preferences. There might have come a time when you have desired to liberate yourself from being committed to a single person. You might have wished to see other people. Probably, this wish of yours remained far from manifesting itself because you were too scared even to voice this desire of yours. Why so? Maybe, it’s because the liberating idea of open-relationship has only just begun to enter the conservative Nepali door. While so much emphasis is given to the political freedom, Nepalese rarely have sought for an emotional democracy in the form of a free relationship, even if they desire for it. For many who seek the parallel right to choose and live in a relationship, opting for open-relationship might just be the option.
An open relationship is basically a relationship in which the partners wish to be together but agree to let their partner have a romantic or sexual encounter with another person. Every open relationship is different because what exactly the relationship entails is defined by the wishes and desires of the parties involved. Some might involve just letting one’s partner flirt, while others might allow sexual intimacy as well. This being a totally new concept, many might not find it agreeable to our society’s norms. Even though some may not defy it, they may not be open to this idea themselves. In an effort to examine what Nepalese feel about open relationship, we discussed this idea with a group of ladies majority of whom were extremely liberal minded. Their diversely ranged opinions surprised us. When asked what they generally feel about the concept of a free relationship, they gave us fascinating answers. Here are the excerpts of what some of them said:
“I read in a book - once, soul-mates were born attached together. No fun! Life got boring, so GOD wanted to add an adventure to human life. He then separated the two so that they could enjoy this whole process of discovering the right person amidst this huge mass of people… Having the right person in our lives is equally important to all. Realizing this, some feel the necessity to seek all the available options so that they don’t make a wrong choice in life. Now that we have a widely acknowledged option for making the right choice, I find nothing wrong with this concept. I willingly encourage open-relationship…” said Nikita strongly advocating for open relationship.
“Open relationship opens a different window to life. It spares one from the feeling of being unwanted and keeps one happy,” said Anjana gleefully, this being the first time she had a chance to open up on open-relationship.
“If you feel you haven’t met the right person yet, then you might not be ready for commitment. There is nothing wrong with rummaging through all the options before you find the right person. After all, we live only once,” commented Sudikshya.
On the contrary to Sudikshya, Siksha who has been in a monogamous relationship for past two years feels that an open relationship is unacceptable because she believes eventually one of the partners will form a stronger outside attachment and that will put an end to the original relationship.
“I had a friend who ignored her boyfriend’s flirting with other ladies. One day her boyfriend confessed his growing love for another woman. He told her he wanted to break-up. She wanted to be less possessive but ended up losing the man she loved the best. It will never again be the same for her,” reasoned Siksha for not approving a free relationship.
Desire for more companionship, wish for a freedom, preference of honesty, longing for a ‘non-dependent on a partner’ type of feeling are some of the logics we could come up with while delving on why people might want to be on an open-relationship. Two main reasons behind the preference of open relationship over a committed one were discovered to be preference for honesty and want of freedom.
Some choose open-relationship because they believe honesty that partners show towards each other by confessing every other romantic or sexual encounter they have further strengthens their relationship. Others crave the freedom that they believe only open relationship can guarantee them. Being engaged in other relationships in full awareness of their partners is a means to develop mutual trust and understanding is what they believe. Some stress on the liberty to voice every thought and emotion while in an open relationship and are confident that this adds new dimensions to their primary relationship. They also take this sort of relationship as a way of avoiding the feeling of dependency on a single person and growing emotionally and socially strong.
When asked if they would like to be in an open relationship, most answered they would rather be in a committed one. However, almost everybody favored an open-relationship to cheating. Here is an excerpt of one of the ladies’ opinion.
“I like to remain committed. If I ask for freedom, I will have to give it too. It might be detrimental to my relationship. Nevertheless, if circumstances compel me, I am a very queer person! I would like to explore the possibilities,” remarked Shreya.
Open-relationship is a concept which is very novel to our society and is sure to be highly scrutinized once it starts shadowing over the committed relationship our society prefers. However, no-one can deny the new limits that an open relationship can set to one’s life. I agree that being in an open relationship is not everybody’s cup of tea and so has our survey shown, but most believe that there is nothing wrong with being involved in one, if the partners mutually decide. It is definitely up to the partners to choose between a monogamous relationship and an open relationship, setting limits to the possibilities of it if they fear it might obscure their primary relationship. There is nothing shocking about wanting more space in life. A similar analogy that one of the ladies gave was leaving your old job if you found a better one, since there is very little emotions involved and partners will be already prepared for this if they have decided on an open relationship initially.
“An en-caging love is enslaving. If you are one of those who feel this, an open relationship might be the panacea to your love-life,” said Erina who works as a teacher. She strongly encourages open relationship and believes it is far better than cheating on one’s partner.
“The Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, and incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered either a state of holiness or madness.” 1 In saying this even I agree with Nikita’s view. If you have not yet found the Zahir of your life and want to find one, keep searching.
- Quote borrowed from Paulo Coelho’s book Zahir.
Here is the result of survey we conducted on open relationship:
http://www.astitwa.com/index.php/relationship
